


Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me

by otaku_trash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asahi is really salty, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluffy Ending, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Multi, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otaku_trash/pseuds/otaku_trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that your fears are based off how you died in your past life.</p><p>Asahi figures that he must have had a fucked up ending.</p><p>or</p><p>Asahi is literally afraid of everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically canon but who cares not me
> 
> The title is based off of that thing from Monster's Inc. because wow it really describes Asahi
> 
> Don't take this too seriously it's a self-satisfactory crack fic
> 
> Also it basically just describes dumb situations that explain his fears so yeah have fun

They say that your fears are based off how you died in your past life.

Asahi figures that he must have had a fucked up ending.

It would explain Asahi quite well. He's afraid of spiders, mosquitoes, all other bugs, being the center of attention, that supernatural shit, clowns, deep water, heights, the dark, wild animals, loud things, scary people  ~~(Daichi)~~ , and everything else you could possibly be afraid of (except for offensive stuff like homophobia and shit because damn to be afraid of himself).

People never believe him when he admits this, though, because "you're all big and tough!1!! you're the scary one!~!!!1!1" but it isn't the case. Asahi couldn't exactly call himself a softie, either, because he is kind of salty.

Asahi hates mosquitoes. He hates the idea that a bug, possibly carrying diseases, would fly around making creepy noises and sucking his blood. He recalls an incident from when he was younger where he woke up to the sound of a mosquito. Instead of immediately fleeing the room, he remained deathly still and only ran when the sound went away. It wasn't even like a person that would chase him after hearing a noise. Running immediately would definitely have been more effective, but Asahi was young, stupid, and frightened  ~~(he probably would have done the same thing now but he is trying to justify his embarrassing actions)~~. 

Spiders are also scary. Asahi hates their long legs, and their creepy looking homes. Most of them were harmless, but Asahi couldn't trust them.

Cockroaches are another creepy bug. It didn't freak him out until he actually encountered one. He had opened the shower curtain just a little harder than usual, and a cockroach had fallen into the tub, next to his foot. He screamed and ran out of the bathroom at top speed. Asahi tried not to be too upset about his modern bathroom, and instead focused on looking for cockroaches in the tub for the next month.

Asahi remembers one day when Noya and Tanaka were spamming shitposts in the group chat  ~~(literally every fucking day but this particular day was when he related to something so hard that it was scary)~~.

"What if Jesus was actually gay the whole time and was saying 'ah, men' the whole time?" or something along those lines. Asahi was stunned by how well this applied to him. He was already known as bearded Jesus.

Everyone was surprised by Asahi's "well if it isn't me" sent into the chat. This confused and startled Asahi, because they were all really gay. Maybe it was because he was the first to officially acknowledge the gayness. This possibility still confused Asahi because he was pretty sure he walked in on Daichi and Suga making out that one time in the club room, but he decided not to mention it for the sake of his own safety. 

Asahi decides he really didn't like being the center of attention, especially if it got him into weird situations like the one before.

He isn't sure why he is afraid of supernatural beings and occurrences. He didn't really believe in them in the first place. Maybe it was just all those scary movies during team movie night. The fact that he was definitely not the only scared one cheers him up, if only a little. 

Asahi hates clowns. Maybe it was the makeup, or all those weird circus horror movies he was forced to watch, but either way, they were suspicious and terrifying.

Deep water. Asahi is tall, so he didn't exactly consider pools deep water. He is afraid of being deep in the ocean. He didn't want to be caught up in natural disasters, or get swept away into the sea, and he especially didn't want to be attacked by the unknown.

Asahi can easily explain his fear of heights. It isn't too severe, honestly, and it's mostly because of planes. They're cramped and give Asahi headaches, and he wants to be able to move around and get fresh air. 

The dark. This mainly corresponds with his fear of supernatural stuff. He doesn't like not knowing what's there that could potentially hurt him.

Wild animals can hurt Asahi or jumpscare him. Both would probably give him a heart attack. He tries to stay away from them, even if they're cute.

People especially don't believe that he is afraid of loud things because that fear is constantly being contradicted.  ~~(Noya is his exception because Asahi is too gay for his own good.)~~

Asahi is just easily startled, which would easily explain his fear of loud things. People must think he's a masochist, seeing as he deals with loud things on a daily basis without complaint.

Scary people. People who raise their voices to combine two of his fears into one. Basically Daichi. Daichi, who disapproves of Asahi's saltiness, nervousness, and literally everything else. He is pretty sure that Daichi is just mad because Asahi knows too much.

 What Asahi usually doesn't tell people about is that he's afraid of taking risks. Most people have to get to know his personality and see for themselves. Maybe it's selfish, but Asahi doesn't want to get hurt. He doesn't want to feel guilty if something goes wrong, and he doesn't want people to be affected by his actions. It's probably his only serious fear, which is why he doesn't like to tell people.

Most of all, he's afraid that an innocent little crush will ruin an entire friendship. Keeping quiet is for the best, he thinks, but it hurts so much to see teammates and friends in happy relationships and know he won't get to be in one of his own.

* * *

"Asahi-san!"

Asahi snaps out of his daze and turns toward the voice.

"What is it, Noya?"

"What were you thinking about so deeply? You had a weird face and I've already called your name five times." The libero looks slightly concerned, as if Asahi was contemplating running away again.

Asahi tries to fake a smile, because that last fear got him into a weird mood that he can't describe. "Don't worry about it. It's not something you have to be concerned about," is what he says. 

Noya frowns, but he doesn't push it. "If there's anything I can help you with, Asahi-san, you can always tell me." Asahi feels a little better, knowing that Noya is so concerned about him, so he smiles genuinely and nods.

When he turns around, he gets those disapproving parent looks from none other than the third-year parent duo. "Asahi, what's up? Don't say nothing, because we know you're acting off."

Asahi sighs, because nothing can get past this basically married couple. "I'll tell you later," he promises, and hopes that they'll forget about it later. He knows that it won't happen, but there's nothing wrong with trying.

 For now, they let him off the hook, and he flees to go practice and take his mind off of his sentimental thoughts.  _Why does I always become so serious?_ is his last thought on the topic before he concentrates on practicing his serve.

* * *

 Practice is over, and everyone is starting to file out of the club room. Noya either conveniently forgot about Asahi zoning out or decided not to mention it, as he and Tanaka cause their usual ruckus and the underclassmen laugh at their antics. Ennoshita quiets the two with a stern look, and Tanaka starts to whine at his boyfriend. Said boy rolls his eyes, but he's definitely suppressing a smile. Asahi smiles.

He turns and flinches when he sees those intimidating looks. Apparently Daichi and Suga had remembered Asahi's weird behavior earlier.

"Asahi, what's going on?" Asahi knows exactly what Suga's talking about, and decides not to stall.

He sighs. "I just started thinking about serious stuff earlier, and it kind of startled me. I'm fine."

"Can you tell us?"

Asahi knows he can trust them. He does trust them. So he tells them.

"I'm afraid." 

They urge him to go on. He does.

"I'm afraid of a lot of stuff, and you guys know that. I'm afraid of silly things that have silly backstories."

He swallows. He continues with a deep breath.

"But there's one thing that's not as silly, at least I don't think it is. It'll probably explain... a lot."

Daichi looks a bit confused. Asahi starts talking again.

"I'm afraid of taking risks. I think you guys probably already noticed."

Suga looks like he already knows what's coming next, but he still asks. "What's the problem, then?"

Asahi stares Suga straight in the eyes. "It hurts."

He understands. He nods, and pats Asahi sympathetically on the shoulder. Daichi is still confused. Suga is good at observing. It's pretty easy to tell, he thinks, from all the slight smiles, gentle touches, the way Asahi's eyes sparkle, and how his smiles grow a little bigger when he thinks no one is looking.

"Sometimes confronting fears is the best way to get over them."

Asahi's eyes widen, and he suddenly needs to stop Suga at all costs. "Suga, I can't, you- I-"

Suga suddenly grins, and Asahi thinks that it's the most malicious thing he's ever seen.

"Good luck!" He drags a confused Daichi away, and Asahi can only sigh. He knows Suga will physically, mentally, and emotionally attack him if he doesn't do anything. He tries to convince himself that it's better than doing what Suga wants him to do.

Asahi turns and is going to start heading home. He's startled to see Noya standing there. He's suspicious. His eyes are narrowed, and he's frowning. 

"What was that all about, Asahi-san?" His tone is kind of scary. Asahi shivers.

"Ah..."

Noya obviously isn't going anywhere until Asahi explains himself. Asahi tries to find the fastest escape route. He's only taken one step before there's a hand on his arm, and he's dragged over to a bench. 

"It's hard to explain," Asahi says.

"I've got all the time in the world," Noya replies. Asahi wishes that Noya wasn't so stubborn.

He tries to make more excuses. Noya won't budge.

Asahi sighs. "If this doesn't go the way I planned it to, you have to promise to forget this ever happened."

Noya looks confused. Nevertheless, he agrees. Asahi's heart is pounding, and he's definitely not prepared for what's coming next. The only thing that he has to console himself with is the fact that everyone on the team is gay, so he at least has a chance.

"I..." His throat is dry. He swallows. He wants to make this quick, but he also wants to stall as much as he can. Asahi's really not ready for this.

"I really like you. As more than... friends." He was going to justify himself. He was going to go on and on, but he decides it's better to get rejected quicker so he can go sulk in his room.

"Well damn." Asahi looks up from his lap, and he sees that Noya is grinning. "I've been waiting for you to say that for the longest time." 

Asahi's brain is short-circuiting. Noya continues to talk.

"I think I knew the moment I saw you. I immediately went to Suga-san, of course, because I figured he would be able to help me out. He said he wasn't sure how to help me when I first told him. I kept going to him, though. One day, his answer changed. He said you probably felt the same way, and I was really happy, you know?"

Asahi opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out.

"But I began to doubt him. I thought, if you do like someone, wouldn't it be someone like Suga-san himself? But I was wrong. Suga-san and Daichi-san got together, and I could tell you were genuinely happy for them. So I began to think, wow! I might have a chance."

Asahi is overwhelmed.

"That one day, in the group chat, when you officially came out, I was really stunned. I mean, everyone on the team is super gay, so I shouldn't have been surprised. But I realized that this whole time, I had been assuming you liked guys, from the moment I met you."

Asahi feels like he might be able to speak again, but he isn't sure what to say, so he keeps his mouth shut.

"A lot of our team got into relationships. I was really happy, of course. But when Ryuu and Chikara got together, it hurt a little. I felt like a third wheel whenever I hung out with them."

Asahi can relate.

"So, basically, when I heard all that stuff you said earlier, I was kind of confused. But then, Suga-san winked at me, and I knew that could only mean one thing, so I tried to be as serious as possible. I knew you would be kind of upset if I smiled when you were feeling kind of scared, but I was really excited."

Noya exhales. He smiles even bigger than before, if that's possible. Asahi is blinded more than when he sees Hinata's smiles. 

Asahi jumps on a crazy impulse. He grabs Noya's face and brings it close to his own. Their lips collide.

He's never done this before, but he doesn't really care. They're both sloppy and inexperienced. Their teeth clash together. They're barely kissing, because their huge smiles are getting in the way. 

When they pull away, Noya buries his face into Asahi's shoulder. His face is warm.

"Ask me out already." Noya's voice comes out muffled, but Asahi still thinks it's beautiful.

"Will you go out with me?"

"Of course I will."

Asahi lets out a low chuckle. Noya is even warmer than before. 

"Are you blushing?"

"Of course not! Why would I be blushing...?"

Asahi pushes him away, just enough to see Noya's face. It 's flushed, and he looks embarrassed. Asahi burns the image into his mind.

"You're cute."

Noya looks like he might explode. He buries his face into Asahi's shoulder again. "Carry me," is all he says. Asahi holds Noya and walks toward his house.

* * *

 The next day, Asahi crosses taking risks off his mental list. He's still afraid of a lot of things, but he can lighten his load, even if it's only a little bit.

Suga still attacks him. Asahi contemplates all his decisions in life.

Tanaka is the first to congratulate them. Asahi figures that Noya called him as soon as he got home, because he heard whooping before he could close the door.

Suga just grins. Daichi has apparently finally figured it out. He gives Asahi the "don't you fucking dare hurt him" talk and Asahi tries not to jump out the window. He couldn't if he tried, he realizes, because he would have to climb up the ladder to get there. He's too lazy.

Ennoshita also congratulates them, just not as loudly. He also scolds his boyfriend. The other second years come by as well.

The first years are mostly just confused. Asahi doesn't think it'll take them too long to figure it out. Hopefully, by then, they'll have confessed to each other, too. Asahi knows that Shimizu and Yachi got together quickly. It wasn't that much of a surprise. Girls were probably less dense, and probably had an easier time confessing.

Asahi hopes Kageyama and Hinata will come to their senses. Beyond the constant bickering, he knows they care for each other much more than they realize. They probably wouldn't care to admit it, even if they knew. He's pretty sure that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima like each other. He doesn't think they're together, though, because Tsukishima seems the type to suppress and deny any feelings.

"Asahi-san!" Asahi turns and sees Noya staring at him curiously. 

"What are you thinking about?"

Asahi smiles. "I'm thinking about you," he says. Noya simultaneously turns pink and grins. "I'm not used to this."

"We have all the time in the world. You don't need to get used to it so quickly." 

Noya's eyes sparkle. They get back to practice, and this time, Asahi focuses without the intention of distracting himself from something.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the summary is based off of my cowardly ass and what i said one time. also i jumped into this recklessly without knowing what the fuck was going on. on top of that is that i fucking refreshed this shit without saving so this is the second time i have to write this. thats too much work for my lazy ass. as i said this is self satisfactory so i dont really give a fuck.
> 
> btw i used a lot of strikethroughs!! because my sorry sense of humor told me to!! if you have a relatively normal sense of humor that does not allow you to comprehend my sorry attempt at being witty then congrats!! keep it to urself bc i dont give a fuck and im pissed that i didn't fucking save this stupid crack fic the first time!!
> 
> also i was planning on making this serious like some magic au or some sort of au where Asahi can see parts of his past but lmao that didn't go to plan did it
> 
> bitch did you really think i was going to make a crack fic and not turn it into something more serious at the end
> 
> also all of Asahi's fears are my actual fears. two stories are made up- the center of attention one, because i haven't come out to most people, and the scary people one, because I don't know anyone who disapproves of me. idk. scary people are just too much for my gentle (not) soul.
> 
> um at least the beginning was a crack fic i can't really write without some sort of fluffy ending like that
> 
> i tagged it with angst but it wasn't really angsty was it whoop


End file.
